Friday, August 28, 2009

one battle down

i'm exhausted. i go to sleep exhausted and wake up exhausted. the past 6 months have posed some of the most difficult days of my life. the physical constraints have taken a toll on my body and mind alike. the tough part is was not succumbing to it. don't get me wrong, there were countless days spent creating a mold of myself on the couch and even a handful of days crying behind closed doors. but the majority were spent treating this as a job. not every job is going to be enjoyable, but most are challenging. this was one that i knew i had to put all my focus and energy into it in order to get through it and keep my sanity. i took each day one at a time and it has finally paid off. two days ago, i received my last chemo treatment. i'm not yet ready to celebrate, but i anticipate getting my strength and energy back soon.

we had our 2nd annual robbins, etc family reunion at brooke's house earlier this month. as usual, it was great to get our entire family together over chef brooke's amazing food creations. no, i do not possess that same ability or passion for cooking, so don't even ask. the entire weekend was spent with family and we had such an amazing time. joey and i have come to realize the extreme importance of family and want to ensure that we instill that value into our someday children.

my cousin, david, gave us seasons 1 and 2 of the show 24 to watch. yes, i know we're 7 seasons behind, but it has really helped kill time on the days when i'm implanted on the couch. i will admit then when i looked out the window last saturday and noticed that it was pouring, i couldn't help but be excited that i could finish watching season 2...and with a good excuse. it was raining...stop judging me :) along with my obsession with the show, comes my need to speak in their lingo. when joey questions me about something, i respond by saying, "we're running out of time, there's no time to explain. you're gonna have to trust me." jack bauer and ctu are now just a normal part of our vocabulary. we have even thought of spending the day interrogating each other just to see how much we can handle and who will crack first.

no matter how many people are in your support system, cancer can be a very lonely experience at times. no one can ever fully understand the extent of the situation, no matter how they try. unfortunately, some relationships have faded during these hard times, which has really made me sad... but new ones have formed and current ones blossomed. we look for inspiration wherever we can get it...which can sometimes come from other cancer patients. i have heard through people that this blog has helped to inspire others and that makes me thankful. that said, i want to give a shoutout to theresa from massachusetts who is currently battling cancer. keep a positive outlook and it will do wonders for your body and mind. you are in our thoughts and prayers.

i extended my visit in ny to experience the new home of the Yankees...ahhhh and what an experience. the stadium is amazing and the feeling that you get when you walk in matches it. tara, meg, and i crashed the boys trip. but i have cancer and it was a great time to throw that card out there. you can love the yankees or hate them, but you have to appreciate the passion of the fans...and anyone who leaves a comment saying otherwise, i will be forced to remove it...even you, joey!

josh and seth spent a few days with me while joey was in san diego for work. we went to trapeze school and then crushed some crabs for dinner. they drove up to long island with me and we had a blast. it was only the last 30 minutes or so that they started getting restless and flicking each other in their ears. we had an awesome time.

leaving the cancer center on wednesday was bittersweet. we met some amazing people like my nurses, theresa and kissen...and my chemo buddy, brian, whose veins suck the chemo down faster than mine and i can't seem to beat him. i'm not bitter or anything...the competitive spirit doesn't stop just because i have cancer :) they are great people and i'm so thankful to have met them all. we also left with a dozen georgetown cupcakes which are about as close to heaven on earth that you can get. my fat/chemo detox starts this monday, but i'm sure we won't have a problem polishing them off by then.

so, chemo is over. what an amazing feeling. my pet/ct scan is on monday, sept 14th and then i get the results on sept 21st to determine if i will need radiation. but regardless...chemo is OVER!!

I firmly believe that any man's finest hour, the greatest fulfillment of all that he holds dear, is that moment when he has worked his heart out in a good cause and lies exhausted on the field of battle - victorious. -vince lombardi